We bring you good tidings of great joy for unto you this day a child is born, who is Justin.
According to legend, young Justin was born on Christmas Day 1971, with a full mane of shiny black hair and was first attended to by a family of doting pandas, a gift from family friend Chairman Mao. That might just be a Liberal myth but I'm holding on to it.
The important thing is, Justin's miraculous birth has been woven into the Canadian tapestry which goes together handsomely with our cultural mosaic. Now let's put the tapestry and the mosaic in the cliche vault for safekeeping in case the Liberals ever regain power.
But enough of that. Let's just agree to wish Justin a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas and move on to the real reason for the season, the birth of Christ.
According to my World Book Encyclopedia (1976 edition), Christians "borrowed" the Roman holiday celebrating the winter solstice which they celebrated on Dec. 25. Christians wanted a day to mark the birth of Christ, so why not piggyback on something that was already a big hit and slowly rebrand it.
It was the first reverse takeover.
One moment the Romans were feeding Christians to the lions. The next thing you know, everyone is a Christian and they're all out shopping for the latest tablets for Christmas, which in those days were made of granite.
Meanwhile, over time, poor old winter solstice was tossed into the dust bin of failed holidays where a couple thousand years later it would be joined by Kwanzaa.
But Christmas, despite numerous attacks against it over many centuries, continues to thrive.
An enormous part of its appeal is that it is so subversive.
It doesn't fit anywhere in our brave new world of human rights commissions, official multiculturalism and cowed politicians who think their only purpose is to not offend anyone, which is offensive. Christmas undermined government authority 2,000 years ago and is still at it today.
Christmas isn't organized by governments or centrally planned by bureaucrats. Its central message annoys most progressives.
To the chagrin of many, including some conservatives, it spurs an orgy of free-market consumption.
It's pretty much the perfect holiday.
And billions of us organize ourselves around it every year, as we have done for centuries, without the aid of a single government mandarin.
We come home to be with family, to give gifts, to see the old neighbourhood and to connect with old friends. We might even go to church.
Yes, we need government and therefore governments who govern wisely.
But as Christmas in its cheeky way demonstrates every year, the best things in life are almost always something we are given but that we must also work to hold on to, and so it is with Christmas.
This Christmas, let's pray the brawling, irreverent, subversive spirit of Christmas undermines officialdom and arrogant authority all the year round.