Washington, D.C. fires five dozen employees for collecting jobless benefits while working for the city. So the good news is, now you really qualify for pogey. The bad news? See above.

4. Not nosegay

A new trend in narcissistic self-indulgence, the K-E diet, features American brides-to-be ingesting 800 calories a day of carb-free protein, fat and water through nasal feeding tubes in the week or so before their wedding to shed 20 pounds fast. Leaving aside the risk that your resulting wedding-day appearance will constitute false advertising, nothing says "special day" like a nose tube.

3. Campaign squawk

Newt Gingrich's campaign for the Republican nomination has disintegrated to the point that he gets headlines for being bitten by a zoo penguin and renting out his donor list to scrape up cash. But he won't quit, saying his stubborn futile effort to tear his party apart is a constructive contribution to unity by a real conservative alternative to Mitt Romney. And frankly I'm about ready to donate"¦ to the penguin.

2. Hosed

A man who has his girlfriend photograph him siphoning gas from a Kentucky police cruiser then posts it on Facebook manages to fuel a trip all the way to"¦ you guessed it. He then posts "lol i went too jail over facebook" which "was funny as #&*^." Yes, there's a reason they don't call it Brainbook.

1. Bug juice

Starbucks promises to stop using red dye from crushed bugs for some of its pink drinks following objections from vegans. Instead they'll use tomato-based dyes and risk the wrath of vegetable rights activists. Is it just me, or in a normal world would the main objection to a ground-up insect smoothie be that it was just completely gross?